So I decided to do some painting today. I swear I spent over 5 hours working on this piece. That's fairly normal, I kind of get swept away in paintings and have to work on them till they are finished which scares me a bit when I think about starting the gift for my brother.

Anyhow I'm sooo displeased w/ it. I just want to throw it away and w/ that I thought no, I wont that's 5 hours down the drain, i needed the practice yada yada yada. Well I thought hey ill show my mom and that will cheer me up because she likes almost everything I do and it was kind of a dedication to my grandmother who passed away 4 years ago tomorrow. It's a painting based off a photograph done by [link] it was their piece called drifting of a pelican. It's just not right. The bottom area of the painting wont blend the way I want it to. I guess perhaps I will take it to my boyfriend tomorrow and have him give me advice because as much as he's artistically challenged (by the means of producing art) he's very good at seeing the flaws and picking out ways to fix the problem, I guess he sees things in a more "technical" manner than myself. Argh it's just so frustrating! I guess partly it wasn't my style and partly the fact that I'm not very talented when it comes to acrylic paints or paints of any kind for that matter!

The hardest thing for me is my brother is so goddamn talented when it comes to art and has zero passion, me I have all the passion in the world and I suck! I know other artists must feel this way but as much as I get down about my personal self esteem (aka not pretty enough, not thin enough etc) being "bad" at art is so much harder for me. I hate it, I can't suck and it... if i do I dont want to try anymore. It's the one thing I can't face being bad at because I love it so much!

Oh well whatever it was practice I guess... but GODDAMN THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!

S